So, you’re likely wondering what life in my new skin/size is like.
I wish I could say it’s simple. That it’s easier. That I am comfortable in my own skin. However, not that simple. Food is still my enemy, just now in a new way. In a way I have yet to overcome. I eat too much and too often! I have now learned everything is in excess! This the rapid weight gain. I think from depriving myself of food for so many years-I simply cannot get enough! I savor every bite and lust the many flavors in the world and want to try them all!! Like many things in life-I do EVERYTHING in excess!!! I fight with the mirror and the scale daily! Instead of focusing on the inside, I am obsessed with the OUTSIDE!! See-still messed up! A work in progress am I. I really only find comfort in my daily work clothes-scrubs-aka loose fitting pajamas. My biggest task in dressing for work daily is which color scrubs for the day? However, many of my scrubs are now too tight which reeks havoc on my self esteem and confidence. I can say this, I was VERY confident when I weighed 100 pounds! EVERYTHING fit at EVERYTHING looked amazing on!!! I looked obviously better in clothing back then, as it hid the bulging bones. Now however, NOTHING looks good in my eyes! All I see is bulges and bumps! So now, I layer. I layer to hide. I spend long durations of time trying on clothes to simply leave the house to go to the store. And yes, my mind is consumed with “what are people going to say about me now?!” “WOW has she ever let herself go!” “She’s actually fat now!” Yep, I am consumed with what will others think. Stupid….yep!! And raising 3 daughters, I’m a terrible role model. I’m just NOT comfortable in my own skin. I was when I was anorexic but no longer due to gaining 40+ pounds. I’m by no means fat. My stupid BMI ( I hate that damn chart!) is within normal limits, however my body shape is nothing I’m happy with or proud of. So I have gone from having an extreme ability in pulling fantastic outfits out of almost nothing. To having a closet ever increasing in size due to the struggle of making a simple cute outfit! I am not a quitter though…lol!!! So I shop, and then shop some more in the eternal quest to dress this new body beautifully! Join me in future blogs trying to make cute outfits out of much, for a typical chubby, beer and cheese land body! Help me if you can, as I hope to help and encourage you as well to love the skin you’re in and dress like you mean it!